Perfectionism is the pursuit of an ideal way of being: how we act and look or what we achieve, for example. These ideals are often culture-created but can also come from within.
Purpose-driven Highly Sensitive People are at risk of falling into the trap of perfectionism. You may think there’s an “ideal you” out there that, once attained, will make life smooth sailing.
Dear HSP, I know how painful that is. And I know I could tell you how loveable you are right now, in this moment, exactly as you are. But I know it's not as easy as that.
Does any of this sound familiar?
Your stomach clenches as you watch the news, and you feel the suffering of people you’re hearing about.
Your friend or family member is struggling and you don’t just feel sad for them; you feel their pain in your body, almost like it’s happening to you.
Your child is crying, and their distress is excruciating to witness. It’s hard to detach and let them “just cry it out.” Or, if you’re not a parent, just hearing a baby scream can upset you and quicken your pulse.
As a highly sensitive person (HSP), other people’s feelings affect you. A lot.
People don’t even have to tell you how they’re feeling for you to know that they’re frustrated or stressed. You pick up on their mood through their facial expressions, tone and energy.
Do you ever dream about going a week without feeling overwhelmed? The idea of sailing through stressors without feeling battered by them can seem out of reach.
You sometimes know what’s causing your stress: traffic was awful or your relationship with your significant other is rocky, for example.
Other times, you have no idea why you’re feeling the way you do. Life is just...TOO MUCH. Everything, from the rush of daily life, to other people’s energies, to that stressful situation you can’t figure out how to solve- it all adds up to a feeling of exhaustion and burnout.
Do you need a vacation?
As Highly Sensitive People, we process everything so deeply- the things we hear, see and feel (to name a few). And we take our responsibilities seriously- sometimes to a degree that overwhelms us.
If you're not sure whether you're maxed out, here are some of the symptoms of burnout (graphic courtesy of journey_to_wellness on IG):
Signs of Burnout:
For over a decade, a certain group of people have come into my office for therapy. They’ve sat opposite me and shown me how people judge them, and how it’s affected the way they judge themselves.
I see people constantly second-guessing their decisions, questioning their feelings and reactions. They didn't start doing this on their own; their upbringing contributed to these patterns of behavior, this way of being.
As a therapist who works with highly sensitive people (HSPs) — and a highly sensitive person myself — fellow HSPs often ask me, “How in the world do you do what you do? I could never be a therapist!”
Of course, I know what they’re really asking: “How do you not take on all the emotion of others? How do you empathize so deeply and not get overwhelmed or exhausted?”
I understand their question completely.
With spring here, it's impossible to miss all the ads and articles about 'spring cleaning'. I like the idea that as new growth sprouts up from the natural world, we have the opportunity to start fresh in our physical world too.
Wouldn't it be great if we could also start fresh in our bodies, hearts, and minds? Rarely, however, will you hear talk about 'emotional spring cleaning'.
Emotional spring cleaning is the opportunity to hit the refresh button on mental, emotional, and spiritual selves. Particularly as Intuitive Warriors (Highly Sensitive People), we have the tendency to hold onto things- thoughts, feelings, energies, and memories.
For over a decade, a certain group of people have come into my office for therapy. They have sat opposite me and shown me how our culture has ravaged the way they see themselves.
I see people constantly second-guessing their decisions, questioning their feelings and reactions. They didn't develop these habits in isolation; their upbringing contributed to these patterns of behavior, this way of being.
They doubt their right to ask for what they need in the workplace, home, and relationships because they worry they’re “too needy”, “too emotional”, or “irrational”.
If you’re like me, the holidays are bittersweet, a mixed bag. I love the twinkly lights, poignant holiday songs, and the smell of pine mingled with hot chocolate. The holidays are also a time of navigating family dynamics, overstimulation, and memories of loved ones no longer with us.
Maybe you can relate to the intensity, the highs and the lows.
In my decade as a therapist working with Highly Sensitive People (who I prefer to call Intuitive Warriors) I’ve noticed a theme: the holidays bring up certain issues for everyone and then there are some challenges specific to HSPs.
Brooke Nielsen, LMFT
Brooke Nielsen has over a decade of clinical experience specializing in working with Highly Sensitive People (HSPs). She is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist in private practice and the creator of the Intuitive Warrior Programs and Community.
You are a gift to the world. You aren't alone. We need you here.